initial changes from IESG review plus one comment missed in -12

draft-iab-rfcefdp-rfced-model.md

@@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
 ---
 title: "RFC Editor Model (Version 3)"
 abbrev: "RFC Editor Model"
-docname: draft-iab-rfcefdp-rfced-model-12
+docname: draft-iab-rfcefdp-rfced-model-13
 category: info
 obsoletes: 8728
 updates: 7841, 8729, 8730
@@ -29,6 +29,7 @@ normative:
   RFC7841:
   RFC8716:
   RFC8729:
+  RFC8730:
 
 informative:
   I-D.draft-carpenter-rfced-iab-charter:
@@ -39,7 +40,6 @@ informative:
   RFC8700:
   RFC8711:
   RFC8728:
-  RFC8730:
   RFC8874:
   STYLEGUIDE:
     title: Style Guide
@@ -80,7 +80,7 @@ available free of charge to anyone via the Internet. As described
 in {{RFC8700}}, RFCs have been published continually since 1969.
 
 RFCs are generated and approved by multiple document streams. 
-Whereas stream approving body {{RFC8729}} for each stream is 
+Whereas the stream approving body {{RFC8729}} for each stream is 
 responsible for the content of that stream, the RFC Editor Function 
 is responsible for the production and distribution of all RFCs. 
 The four existing streams are described in {{RFC8729}}. This 
@@ -105,7 +105,7 @@ document updates {{RFC8729}} by replacing the RFC Editor role
 with the RSWG, RSAB, and RSCE. This document updates {{RFC8730}}
 by removing the dependency on certain policies specified by the
 IAB and RSE. More detailed information about changes from 
-version 2 of the Model can be found under under {{changes}}.
+version 2 of the Model can be found under {{changes}}.
 
 # Overview of the Model
 
@@ -147,7 +147,7 @@ activities and responsibilities are as follows:
   interim guidance to the RPC, informing the RSWG of those interpretations.
 
 This model is designed to ensure public processes and policy documents,
-clear responsibilities and mechanisms for updates and changes to policies
+clear lines of responsibility and authority, transparent mechanisms for updates and changes to policies
 governing the RFC Series as a whole, and effective operational implementation of the
 RFC Series, thus meeting the requirements specified in Section 4 of {{RFC8729}}.
 
@@ -255,6 +255,10 @@ should be considered appropriate.
 The IETF LLC is requested to provide necessary tooling to support 
 RSWG communication, decision processes, and policies.
 
+The IAB is requested to convene the RSAB when it is first formed in
+order to formalize the IAB's transfer of authority over the RFC Editor 
+Model.
+
 ### RFC Series Approval Board (RSAB)
 
 #### Purpose
@@ -267,7 +271,7 @@ of the RSAB is to review policy proposals generated by the RSWG; it shall
 have no independent authority to formulate policy on its own. It is
 expected that the RSAB will respect the rough consensus of the
 RSWG wherever possible, without ceding its responsibility to provide
-appropriate review of RSWG proposals.
+their review of RSWG proposals as further described under {{workflow}}.
 
 #### Members
 
@@ -282,7 +286,7 @@ The RSAB consists primarily of the following voting members:
 * As the stream representative for the Independent stream, the
   Independent Submissions Editor (ISE) {{RFC8730}} or other person
   appointed by the ISE
-* The RFC Series Consulting Editor
+* The RFC Series Consulting Editor (RSCE)
 
 If and when a new stream is created, the document that
 creates the stream shall specify if a voting member representing
@@ -291,6 +295,9 @@ and processes related to that representative (e.g., whether the
 representative is a member of the body responsible for the stream
 or an appointed delegate thereof). 
 
+The RFC Series Consulting Editor (RSCE) is a voting member of the
+RSAB but does not act as a representative of the Editorial Stream.
+
 To ensure the smooth operation of the RFC Series, the RSAB shall
 include the following non-voting, ex-officio members:
 
@@ -372,9 +379,13 @@ the meeting shall be private to the RSAB, but must be noted on the
 agenda, and must be documented in the minutes with as much detail as
 confidentiality requirements permit.
 
-The IETF LLC is requested to provide necessary tooling to support 
+The IETF LLC is requested to provide necessary tooling and staff to support 
 RSAB communication, decision processes, and policies.
 
+The IAB is requested to convene the RSAB when it is first formed in
+order to formalize the IAB's transfer of authority over the RFC Editor 
+Model.
+
 ## Process
 
 ### Intent
@@ -511,7 +522,7 @@ related to the RFC Series:
     the Editorial Stream.
 
 15. Policies may take effect immediately upon approval by the RSAB and 
-    before publication of the relevant RFC, unless unless they are delayed 
+    before publication of the relevant RFC, unless they are delayed 
     while the IETF LLC resolves pending resource or contract issues.
 
 ### Community Calls for Comment {#cfc}
@@ -740,8 +751,8 @@ at the time of writing include the following:
 13. Providing sufficient resources to support reviews of RPC
     performance by the IETF LLC.
 
-14. Coordinating with IANA to ensure correct documentation of
-    IANA-performed protocol registry actions.
+14. Coordinating with IANA to ensure that RFCs accurately document 
+    registration processes and assigned values for IANA registries.
 
 15. Assigning RFC numbers.
 
@@ -1033,8 +1044,8 @@ with no restrictions on access or distribution.
 ## Accessibility
 
 RFC Series documents have been published in a format that was intended 
-to be as accessible as possible to those with special needs, e.g., for 
-those with impaired sight.
+to be as accessible as possible to people with disabilities, e.g., 
+people with impaired sight.
 
 ## Language
 
@@ -1067,7 +1078,7 @@ comprehensible to humans for decades or longer.
 # Updates to This Document
 
 Updates, amendments, and refinements to this document can be produced 
-using the process documented herein, but shall be operative only after 
+using the process documented herein, but shall be published and operative only after 
 (a) obtaining the agreement of the IAB and the IESG, and (b) ensuring
 that the IETF LLC has no objections regarding its ability to implement 
 any proposed changes.  
@@ -1202,9 +1213,12 @@ during the implementation and enforcement of any relevant contracts.
 
 # IANA Considerations
 
-This document places responsibility for coordination of registry
-value assignments with the RPC. The IETF LLC facilitates management
-of the relationship between the RPC and IANA.
+The RPC is responsible for coordinating with the IANA to ensure that
+RFCs accurately document registration processes and assigned values
+for IANA registries.
+
+The IETF LLC facilitates management of the relationship between the RPC 
+and IANA.
 
 This document does not create a new registry nor does it register any
 values in existing registries, and no IANA action is required.